*All names have been changed to protect the innocent and the cheeky.

Entry A “Bobbette”
A group of friends were going to the Gambia with school and were look for sponsorship to help fund their trip. I, being poor, couldn't afford to sponsor the whole group and offered my hair brading service in lieu. This way they could spend a week without running water, without having to worry about not being able to wash their hair as it would be cornrowed and braided within an inch of it's life. Many happy braidings ensued with good results. In fact I received nice cards and boxes of chocolate as thank yous. [Now for the Cheek..!] A certain individual, “Bobette”, who belongs to my dance group and has never been particularily pleasant towards me - the same some one who spent a coach journey telling me to F*** off - approached me out of the blue. "Sue, did you do X's hair?" "Yes I did." "It looks lush." "Thank you." "Do you think we can arrange a time so you can do mine?" "Are you going to the Gambia?" "No." I was more than a little incensed at her cheek for expecting me to give up my time to plait her hair, when she refuses to treat me with any civility and isn't going to the Gambia. This type of thing costs fortunes in hair salons. "It'll cost you." "Oh. [Awkward pause] But X didn't have to pay. I thought you liked doing it." "I do, but that was instead of sponsoring her."

Entry B “Fred”
I would like to nominate a certan individual, let’s say we call him “Fred”. What a joyous fellow this indvidual is. So accomodating to his drivers, always full of intelligent and stimulating conversation. For example: “I’ll be here with bells on” is another fine quote. Or how about “I’ll take your truck and make you pay for it.” How about, when talking to drivers with more than 20 years of experience in the field (could it be that this has been their livelihood for a while?) he starts telling them that they won’t be able to get but about 1500-1600 miles a week, and also that they need to run with their tanks only half-full because, with them being so much lighter, they will get better fuel milage. This is true but… if you’re pulling a load that places you right at the 80,000 mark, and you start sucking the trash from your tanks into the fuel filters causing them to get clogged up, and then the engine starts to burn up the pump, you have no power to pull the hills or even coast down the other side. The injectors start to become messed up because of the junk in them. Oh my, what now Fred?? Will you help me pay my bills? Why would anyone have your truck towed after you called and told some one during the day that you were sick and needed the load taken off of you that evening? Because you were away from your phone or just too busy to talk to a driver/owner operator/lease purchase? Then the “gentleman” called that night to make sure that the load was going to be taken care of, and the night dispatch told him that they where going to make arrangements for the load to be picked up. The next day, without a phone call from you, Fred. The gentleman was home, because he was sitting on the can with his head in a trash can. Must have been the food. Stupid TAs. He finally felt good enough to venture out of the house to take the garbage to the dump, and when he got back he found the tractor had a tow truck hooked to the front of it. Not the tractor trailer which somebody later said was the only way to get the loaded trailer, because it was hooked to the trailer which the night dispatch had been told was dropped behind the Discount Auto in the parking lot at the corner of Williams Street and Powel Road in Dunnellon, FL, with a copy of the bills in the clip board. Then, to find the tow truck on private property which you pay the inisurance and payments on, which most people would call their front yard. The really big catch to all of this, Fred, is that some chicken feathers i see lying around you, Fred. Bet your desk looks like a chicken coop. Is it that you never called to talk Tom or anyone? You had my cell number also, Fred. Then you laughed at me, bragging about how I would have to pay the $500.00 towing bill that you generated. Not me. You. I did not call the towing service. I sat for over 1 ½ hours with the local police sitting out front with the tow truck sitting there. It actually felt like more hours waiting to talk to someone and when someone would answer the phone they would say, “ Who’s this?” and as soon as I told them, they would say, “Hold on.” Which, by the way, you did say a snide retorical remark in referance to in a later conversation. All in all, Fred, I need to end this venting to a public forum, in which I hope and pray that the end result will be that you are fired, because I am sure that this is not the first driver you have done this to. Since when I first got on your board and someone asked me who was my FM, and I told them, they said, “He doesn’t have your best interest for you. Better get rid of him quick.” Well, Fred, I think that you need to be fired and sent packing down the road. You have hurt the company’s reputation. You have burnt a lot of bridges, and someday some driver will show up there in Lowell, and they will have enough money in their pocket to get themselves out of jail. After that I’m sure you wont be telling any more 5’11.5”, 345 lb men that anymore. I know one in particular who can walk around with an iron head sportster motor under his arm. Try that, Fred. By the way, its easy!!! See yah.

Entry C “Stephanie”
I lived with a girl once who was either totally aloof or totally “cheeky”! I had bought a set of nice dishes but after some use, they started to get wee chips in them. So I told my flatmate that I didn’t want to use the dishes for everyday purposes anymore, and I went out and bought a cheaper set for the flat. A few days later, one of my bowls was in the sink. No bother, probably just forgot. It got washed and put away. A few days later, another bowl was in the sink. Right. So I reminded my mate that I didn’t want to use those dishes anymore and to use the new ones I’d bought. She apologised and on we went. The next day, a bowl had been used. Frustrated, I took all of the off-limits dishes and put them on the highest shelf of the cabinet so that they were out of easy range. Maybe it was just habit to pull those down, or easier since they were on the bottom shelf, I reasoned. The very next day, one of the dishes had been used again!! Taken from the top shelf and used. That’s cheek!

Entry D “Mildred”
A girl I work with, let’s call her “Mildred”, has this habit of never coming to work, and always at the most inopportune times. She always has something wrong- a sick kid, a sore throat, a broken fingernail. Well, one week, one of the busiests weeks of the year, she called in on Monday saying she had a cold *cough, ugh, cough*. She wouldn’t be in. How did she get her cold, you may wonder? From “standing in the cold at her grandfather’s grave.” Nice. Pathetic. An excuse no one will be able to sympathetically argue against. (And exactly how long were you out there at that grave?) Well, she called again on Tuesday to let us know she wouldn’t be in the rest of the week. Something about a chest infection and doctor’s orders. Well, after putting everyone through a week of hell, trying to not only do their own jobs, but hers as well, she comes in the following Monday with a severe sunburn and hair extenstions! Might it be important to mention that the week she had been “unwell” had been the nicest week of the year so far? When questioned about her sunburn, she weakly *cough, sigh* explained she got it while going out for a couple of hours on Sunday to get her hair done. Does she get her hair done on the beaches of Maui? After a week of being in work, and making sure to cough pathetically when anyone was around, she called again on Sunday night, 10pm, to say she wouldn’t be in the whole next week because her doctor insisted she “stay in bed and get rid of this cold.” It still happens to be the busiest time of year. Boy, I wish I had a doctor that insisted I take two weeks off work everytime I get a cold. I wonder what kind of makeover or tan she’ll have on Monday – that is, if she was able to beat the cold over the week.

Entry E “Janette”
Me and “Janette” went to the SPCA after hours to go look at the "Oh so cute" puppies - they keep them in cages round the back - as our nephews were wanting a pet for themselves. So after many oh and ahs, we decide on a real small chow/pit mutt. Short brown hair and huge puppy eyes. I went back to the car as I had enough of the smell of dog sh**. I start the engine, waiting for “Janette” to return so we can go home. She returns to the car in a hurry and tells me to get going - quickly! “Janette” has stolen the puppy! She picked it and squeezed the poor thing through the bars... I felt real bad for stealing a dog from a charity. We gave the dog to our nephews saying we found him stray behind my work. This I believe is cheek in it's highest form! UPDATE: They later discovered that the puppy had already been picked out by and designated to be given to a little girl.

Entry F “Ricardo”
When I was 18, my brother-in-law gave me a wedgie so hard that it ripped my underwear! Imagine this poor, innocent, naive 18-year-old girl being suddenly abused without warning by having her underwear grabbed by a guy!!! It was unbelievable (mostly because I didn't realize that I could actually provoke him enough to cause him to do that to me!) I suppose I was the one being cheeky first...